Pressure
by SPYforYOU
Summary: "It would end like that. Me in tears hating my little brother, the guy I loved, and myself the very most. And I couldn't do a single f- thing about it."


**I love this series and unlike some, I'm glad the series is so long. I absolutly adore Sam and Astrid and all that sexual tension... hehe :P**

**Set sometime between_ Lies_ and _Plauge_. Some details are tweaked. **

***Oh, by the way. This doesn't have any actual _love making _(Ha!) so it's T***

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><p>When was the right time to have sex?<p>

I was scared, I'll admit. It's not like I didn't know how to do it. I don't know what it is, but something holds me back from letting Sam take that one step farther.

It would go something like this:

I was cutting up a cabbage we had grown in our gardens. I turned the cabbage again. I figured that if I cut it in half, then again, and then chopped horizontally, I would finish the quickest.

The knife slid into a soothing rhythm. I didn't hear the door open or Sam walk towards me, but I felt his hard, lean hands slide around my waist. I titled my head back to look up at him.

My knife's rhythm was broken.

"Bad day?" I asked. It was our normal greeting now.

He actually smiled at me though; the unexpected show of teeth made me feel just a little lighter. "Not really. Pretty relaxing for once."

I raised my eyebrows. "Relaxing. Peaceful. It's just a FAYZ," I giggled a little at my own pun. Sam chuckled lightly too.

"I wish it wasn't though." He leaned down and kissed me softly. I put the knife down carefully and turned to meet him. He looped arms around me and pulled me closer. Moments like these were far and few in between. I would cherish this one while it lasted.

He pulled away. "You smell nice today. And your hair…" he picked up and piece and twirled it.

"I took a shower, like you should. Do you even know what that means anymore?" Of course I was being sarcastic. The water supply was running low and we had to pay bertos, wait our week, or take a bath in the ocean if you wanted to get clean.

He hummed contently and pulled me to his chest again. Our lips met and he groaned just a little. I flicked my tongue out at his lips and he pushed me against the counter in turn. His hands crept slowly under my shirt. His palms were slightly heated, as they always were in situations like this. I threaded my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

Just because I was smart and level-headed, doesn't mean I wasn't a girl either, with a boyfriend she totally loved and longed for. I was perfectly allowed to get a little heated with him.

His mouth opened just a little and I slipped my tongue in before taking it back. He growled more loudly now, and pushed me harder against the counter.

We broke apart for a breath and I whispered, "Sam." My lips tasted his perpetually salty ones and I felt my knees go just a little weak. His hands traveled up farther and traced the bottom of my bra, and I weakly pushed him away. He growled in frustration breaking the steamy atmosphere.

"What?" He asked throwing his hands up.

I turned and picked up the knife. I found my rhythm again before speaking. "I don't want to go there."

"Why?" He was almost whining now. I couldn't turn to face him. I was scared of what I would find there.

I turned to face him, slamming the knife down. "I don't know okay?" I was pissed off now. I was tired, and all I wanted was to talk and have a good time with my boyfriend. Not be pressured into something I wasn't ready for. Why couldn't he just understand and back off?

"What? You don't _know?_ I'm a guy and you can't just lead me on like that. I mean, common."

"That's the best you can think off? You can't think of how I feel?" My response was quick and heated. "I'm sorry…_ brah_." I was taking a stab at his wreck friendship and we both knew it was a low blow.

He raised his hands; I didn't flinch once. "Okay. _Sorry_," he dragged the 'sorry' into a lazy, cruel drawl. "I'll leave you alone. Astrid the _Genius_." He turned and left, slamming the door behind him.

I turned to put the cabbage into the pot. It sizzled as it slid into the boiling water. After five minutes I tasted it. A little salty… I watched as my tears splashed into the bubbling water. Guess I don't need to add any salt anymore.

Petey wandered into the kitchen.

"Munchy, munchy?" I turned to sit him up in his chair. I stared at his too pretty face and blonde hair that was just like mine.

"Yes Petey. Munchy, munchy." He had turned me into a mother too soon, and too fast. I wished I could run after Sam like a lovesick teenager, but I had to make dinner and look after Little Pete. I wished I could curse out at the FAYZ, but that would alert the neighbors. I wished I could let him take that step, but I couldn't. I wasn't ready, and I was sure he wasn't either. I couldn't speak for him though.

And it would end like that. Me in tears hating my little brother, the guy I loved, and myself the very most.

And I couldn't do a single fucking about it.

/_-_-_\

"Sam, I left some dinner for you on the table," I told my weary reflection in the mirror. I was talking to myself as I brushed my teeth. My stomach was churning like it was alive, and I felt sick.

"Sam… we can do it."

"Sam, I love you."

"Sam. I'm… I'm sorry." I stared at my face in the mirror. Who was this girl? I think I could tell. But it was fuzzy around the edges. I was losing my cool. I was losing the only hope I had, save for Little Pete. I rinsed my mouth with salt water and spat out the mixture of salt and paste.

"Petey. Beddy boody," I clapped using the trigger phrases. He trotted sleepily from the bathroom, Game Boy in hand. I clutched his hand and lightly tugged him into my room. I lay him down on my bed and slid in next to him.

The house was quiet without Sam.

Less safe.

More dark.

I let my mind wander to other things: The food supply, bertos, and Drake still running around. Dekka, who thought only Sam knew her secret. It wasn't like I hated her for that; actually my feeling towards her didn't change at all. She was still the brave girl who I owed my life to.

Suddenly I heard a shuffle at the window. I turned my body to shield Pete, and kept my eyes trained on the dark patch in the wall. And then… another shuffle. Someone cursed lowly outside. A branch snapped and I stifled a gasp. My heart thudded painfully in my chest.

Should I run?

I curled up into a smaller ball. I wasn't brave; I was scared. But I had to think of LP.

I forced myself into action. I threw the covers off and dragged Little Pete with me off the bed. I crept down the stairs with his sleepy form in tow.

"Game Boy," he muttered. I barely registered his voice; he never spoke often before.

I slunk into the bathroom and climbed into the tub. My chest ached painfully and I ignored Pete's week tugs. His whine turned into a quiet screech. I turned to shush him, but noticed his game missing. I made a cross and sent a quick prayer up before sprinting up back to the room. I grabbed it and ran back down taking the stairs by two. I was panting slightly as I gave Little Pete his game and pulling him protectively behind me.

I heard the front door slam open and cringed in fear. A heavy clomping of shoes and tense breathing. The bathroom door burst open and I put my fist in my mouth to prevent a scream.

"Astrid," a strangled cry of Sam's voice came in.

"Huh?" I thought for a moment before replying. "Sam?" Adrenaline coursed through my body and my hands shook ever so slightly.

The shower curtain was whisked aside and I was looking up into Sam's panicked face. "Astrid," he whispered, his breath coming out in a whoosh. He bent down and hugged me tightly, LP getting squished behind me.

"Umm…" I was at a loss for words, for once. And then I was back on my feet. "It was you at the window, wasn't it? I thought it was Drake." I realized quickly, putting the pieces together. My breath was steadier now. Colder and calmer.

"I was checking up on you, but you weren't there." He still sounded panicky and out of breath.

I on the other hand was quite calm now. "Thanks Sam." I let him pull me up. "You staying for the night? I left some dinner for you on the table."

"Oh. Thanks." He scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck. I kissed his cheek before walking out with Little Pete's hand in mine. His total focus was on the Game Boy in hands, which wasn't even on. I never got acknowledged or thanked by LP.

I didn't say anything else to Sam, but he and I both knew that he was forgiven, for now. There would be time later for the rest of the lines I had practiced in front of the mirror.

**R&R for more LOVE! Thanks ;)**


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